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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I woke up late, as usual. My alarm? Yeah, it decided to take a day off. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find—definitely not my best look. I mean, who needs matching socks, right? Anyway, I grabbed a quick coffee from that tiny café on ul. Krakowska. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. She always knows my order. But today? She was swamped. I waited like forever, and when I finally got my cup, it was lukewarm. Ugh!

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